To Keep You
by therunningpen
Summary: Inspired by the recent song "Habits" by Tove Lo. Tuxedo Kamen is gone. Sailor Moon tries to survive without him. She does what she has to do to keep him off her mind, until she finds him. Will she rescue herself from her mind? Will she survive long enough to save him?
1. I Gotta Stay High All the Time

**You're gone and I Gotta stay high all the time**

**to keep you off my mind**

**Spend my days locked in a haze tryin to forget you babe**

**I fall back down**

**Gotta stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you**

**Can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain**

Crack "ugh"

Boom "cough"

Her blood was painting the night's ground.

**I fall back down**

The faint sounds of her unwarranted grunts and cracks that came from her body were all that reminded her ears that she was alive and **he **was gone.

**Spend my days locked in a haze **

Her eyes did not see, her ears did not hear, and her body did not feel…

**Can't go home alone again tonight, need someone to numb the pain**

She continued to take the hits. Her mind was gone, beyond this night….

**Trying to keep you off my mind**

Her eyes finally opened, tears silently falling. The offender froze from the pain shining in the girl's blue eyes.

**To forget I'm missing you**

" silver crystal " her lips whispered. And a white light exploded from her broach on her chest. The monster was gone in seconds. But she didn't show any notice. The light evaded and her body collapsed to her knees. It couldn't take the strain, from the wounds she allowed to grace her skin to the energy that it took to wield the powers of the silver crystal her body was beyond its limits.

It was in these moments, in her most vulnerable state when she could find euphoria.

**You're gone and I Gotta stay high all the time**

Because it was in these physically weak moments that her mind played tricks on her. She would forget all the pain, all the horror, and reality. It was when she would see **him** for a brief second and everything else would melt away, but happiness...before darkness overtook her.


	2. You're Gone

**You're Gone**

Bleep…bleep…bleep

Her eyes sluggishly blink open, regretfully knowing what had happened. Again.

And like every other time, Luna was there sitting full of concern.

"why? Why do you do this to yourself"

Usagi doesn't respond because that answer was the same as every time in the past this had happened. She needed **him** and this was the only way she could see **him**. But Luna didn't believe her, because it wasn't possible. He was gone. And Usagi knew that… she was there, when it happened.

"If you continue… Usagi… if you continue like this, you will die!"

_Too late for that_, Usagi thinks to herself . because that is exactly how she felt, dead inside. Since that fateful day…

It was 2 months ago, the normal youma attack in the park. Sailor moon and her senshi were there like normal. But this attack felt different because the enemy had created 4 extensions of itself that mirrored each of sailor moon's senshi, intentionally leaving sailor moon to combat the leader alone. Sailor moon paused before engaging with the leader, surveying her scouts to ensure they could handle their opponents. To Usagi's surprise, the enemies were not delivering deadly blows, in fact they all seemed to simply be sparing with the scouts… as if to keep them busy.

Sailor moon focused back onto her opponent.

_So this Youma wanted me alone._ Usagi smirks knowing that she wasn't alone. **He** was there as long as she was fighting **He** would be there to protect her.

Sailor moon and the Youma started exchanging punches.

"What do you want" Sailormoon was getting impatient. What is this monster's goal? Every other Youma had a target from energy; to pure hearts they always had a target… but not tonight.

" you shall see" the monster replied as if everything was going according to their plan…

The hand to hand combat continued for almost 30minutes until the leader's attacks started to escalate. Not giving SailorMoon the luxury of spending anymore-mental energy trying to calculate the enemy's goal. Then suddenly Sailor Moon's leg was grazed with a large black crystal. Her leg was hit enough that she was bleeding and definitely couldn't keep the speed she was maintaining moments before.

The monster went to act again, and a rose came soaring out of a nearby tree and halted the Youm's attack.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama"

"Sailor Moon" Their eyes made contact and their silent conversation ensued. _I'm fine, but I don't know what their after._

Tuxedo mask jumped over next to Sailor moon as she stood to continue the battle together.

" Ah what a pleasant surprise tuxedo Mask, I was hoping you would arrive soon" the Youma announced

Sailor moon gave tuxedo mask a look, _is he the target?!_

"Now, Sailor Moon shall we continue what we had started?" The Youma said just before launching her self at sailor moon

Sailor moon blocked the first attack, but then the Youma vanished and appeared behind the girl and shot a huge blast of energy. Sailor Moon's body flew toward the trunck of a tree. Upon impoact, the tree cracked.

"Sailor Moon!" Tuxedo mask ran over to his beloved as soon as he could

"Daijobu?" She gave a nod and then a bloody cough.

_Shit_ Usagi thought.

"Oh I'm sorry did that hurt?" the Youma teased. "Well it should have, my energy blasts are unique because they injure a person from the inside out. A very painful approach if you ask me"

Usagi's eyes widened in realization that she had received more damage than first thought. Her partner wasn't shocked…he was seething with anger toward the Youma.

" I will not let you lay another finger on her" Tuxedo Mask started to stand up and face the Youma " I am you're opponent now".

" Oh how chivalrous of you" The YOuma taunted. And then she sprung at the man.

Usagi reached up " Tuxedo Kamen-sama, No!" she didn't want him getting injured because of her weakness. She struggled to get on her feet in order to help her lover, but her body was screaming for stillness. She could barely stand from the bleeding on her leg and internally.

Her vision began to waver, as she tried to see Tuxedo Kamen and the Youma exchange fists. She needed to help him. This Youma's power was not ordinary. She would have to use the crystal.

The silver crystal was the most powerful entity in the universe, but the use of its power came with a price, even to the heir of the moon kingdom. Each time Usagi was only to use the crystal when she was at her full strength or else it would drain from her life force, and could lead to her death if the maximum capacity of the crystal's power was used in a weakened state.

Sailor Moon's current state was beyond weakened. She was bruised, bleeding, and barely able to stand. And yet she called for the power of the silver crystal because it was **Him**.** His** life was on the line.

Tuxedo Kamen saw the familiar white glow out of the side of his eye.

"Sailor moon, NO! You mustn't use the crystal in your state!"

**He** paused too long to yell **his** warning, and the Youma hit him with an energy blast. **His** body flew back into a near by tree.

The Youma laughed " hehehe. So Sailor moon is going to get serious with this battle now… it's a little too late for that honey!" and the Yoma threw a large black crystal at Sailor Moon.

The attack was disintegrated by the light of the silver crystal, but soon after Sailormoon collapsed. Her body was in such a weakend state from blood loss that she was only able to use a small burst of the silvercrystal before collapsing. Tuxedo Kamen quickly went to her side.

"Sailor Moon, usako!" **he** was holding her in his arms. Her eye lids fought to stay open to see **his** beautiful features. **His** strong jawline, deep blue eyes, and chocolate brown hair.

"Mamochan" she weakly replied.

"Usako, You mustn't be so wreckless. Don't you know how much I love you? I don't even know what I would do without you."

"mmHm I love you too" she was safe in **his** arms and let herself relax into an unconscious state.

" You just rest now, I'll take care of this Youma. Goodnight Usako" tuxedo kamen gave usage a kiss laced with power from his golden crystal and placed her safely in the grass**.**

Tuxedo Kamen also had a special power that he could use to over come evil beings. It was called the golden crystal. The golden crystal came from the core of the earth and as the Prince of the earth it was his job to wield the golden crystal. The golden crystal's powers came from the energy of the earth's natural life forces like the plants, animals, and humans. And was strongest when used for healing. The golden crystal's power needed to be collected through medication and took at least 1 months time to reach the crystal's maximum power. So Mamarou was limited to using his golden crystal once a month and as a team they usually saved his powers for healing the sailor scouts during important battles. Just last month he used his golden crystal on sailor Jupiter after she had her leg broken in 6 places during a battle. His golden crystal wasn't nearly as strong as Usagi's, but it was enough to take care of this Youma.

Tuxedo Kamen called for the golden crystal and he transformed into his Edymon prince armor, which included his sword. The golden crystal found its home at the base of his sword and illuminated the blade a golden yellow.

Tuxedo Kamen dove for the Youma with his sword ready to skewer the enemy. His sword struck its target piercing the Youma at it's heart.

"Now I've got you Prince of the Earth, and the golden crystal!" Tuxedo Kamen was confused by the youma's reaction to a blow that would ensure it's death. But suddenly dark chains appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around Mamarou's body. The Youma unnaturally, pulled the sword out of its own body and held it at it's base. The golden crystal turned a solid black as the YOuma laughed. The chains around Tuxedo Kamen's body glowed black and Tukedo kamen yelled out in pain, the chains were passing an electric current through his entire body.

" My name is black whole and I am the new ruler of this earth" the Youma screamed. The other senshi looked over at the scene in horror while still being preoccupied by Black Whole's minions.

"Tuxedo Kamen! Sailor moon!"

And then with a flash of darkness, the Youmen and Tuxedo Kamen were gone.

**He** was gone.


	3. Spend My Days Locked in a Haze

**Spend My Days Locked in a Haze**

Ever since Mamarou's disappearance, Usagi was silence plagued her when the other scouts had told her what happened. She didn't want to believe it, but her nightmares made sure she relieved the event nightly… filling in the missing pieces after she had fallen unconscious from the use of the silver crystal.

The first couple weeks she would even search the city at night for traced of Mamrou… but eventually gave into the reality. While she was out searching for him she would often run into Youmas. It was during one of these battles that she first discovered "saw" **him.** She was exhausted from all the late nights, nightmares, and emotional stress. She was not in a good position to take on a Youma alone. But she did, because maybe this Youma knew where he was, or maybe it was better than spending her ngiht thinking of **him **or maybe it was better than dreaming of **him**. Yes, the Youma battles were a great way to keep **him** off her mind. They helped her momentarily forget, the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness, and to forget **him**. But she would never admit this guilty pleasure of hers, her secret escape from reality.

And after the mind-numbing amounts of pain and distraction from reality that the Youma battles would deliver, right when her mind and body were both utterly exhausted… she would see him. Just like that one night her dreams were haunted with. And he would hold her and say those same words:

"Usako, You mustn't be so reckless. Don't you know how much I love you? I don't even know what I would do without you. You just rest now, I'll take care of this Youma. Goodnight Usako" and she would feel a kiss on her cheek before she would fall into the darkness and awake in the hospital again. That moment of love and happiness was worth all the risk in the world, even if it was a delusion that her mind created. She needed it, she lived for it. And deep down a small part of her thought it was the only connection she had to finding him.

The next day she'd **spend her days** **locked in a haze**, trying to forget him. She couldn't handle the pain of realizing she had lost him again. So she willed herself to not feel, not think, just be. Usagi's days became monotonous cycles of ritual. She went to school, attending senshi meetings, then went home. She had no spirit left in her to live a normal life, she was broken, a lifeless shell of her previous self. There was no light in her eyes, no smiles, and no energy in her youthful body. She was broken.


	4. Can't Go Home Alone Again

**Can't Go Home Alone Again**

The other senshi were beyond worried by Usagi's new behavior especially during the second month when they realized she wasn't going to bounce back after this. Luna had kept them in the loop about Usagi's nighttime battles, and the senshi were distraught for their Princess's mental state.

They had seen no sight of the prince and had exhausted all of their resources used to find him.

They had no other theory to test except for Usagi's "sightings" of Mamrorou during her night battles. The scouts decided they would take turns following Usagi at night in order to see if Tuxedo Kamen was actually coming to Usagi's aid during these fights.

It was Sailor Mars's turn first to spy on Usagi tonight. Usagi was making her normally nightly rounds through the city when a Youma finally showed up in the middle of the street. Usagi began to take the on slaughter of attacks, while Mars patiently waited in the shadows. Rei was speechless witnessing the brutality that her fellow senshi was intentionally going through.

_Oh Usagi. what has happened to you?this is..this. I had no idea it was this bad. Its like She's trying to get her self killed!_

And after about 30minutes of the "fight" just when Rei was about to jump in and interfere, the white light of the silver crystal shines and disintegrates the Youma. Soon after Usagi's bloody figure falls to the ground. Rein starts to stand and move to assist her fallen princess, when she sees a figure come out of a black whole in the air.

_Its __**him**__!Its Endymion, he's alive! She watches as he caringly holds Usagi whispering in her ear and then lays a kiss on her lips. He then stands holding her bridal style in his arms and carries her into his black hole._

Rei jumps out of her hiding spot.

"Usagi!" and runs over to where the black hole was moments ago.

"they're gone!" She immediately calls Luna with her communicator.

"luna, its rei. I saw Mamarou, but he's taken Usagi into a black whole just like the Youma did to Tuxedo Kamen before he went missing!"

" Oh my! This is not good, I'll call ami and the other girls and see if we can locate her using central computer at the arcade. Meet me there ASAP"

At the arcade, Ami, minako, and makoto are there in their pajamas with Artemis and Luna.

"Rei!" everyone shouts.

"hi guys, sorry I stopped an picked up some coffee for us, I figured we could all use it. She passes around the cups filled with liquid energy.

"Have you found anything yet Ami?"

"No, its as if they disappeared completely to another dimension or something"

"Does this mean Usagi is missing?!" Makoto says aloud what everyone is thinking.

"Lets not jump to conclusion, just yet. What time is it? Usagi usually turns up at the hospital around 4am." Luna replies.

" its 3:30am now…so lets wait at least another hour before we call it quits tonight guys" Mina orders, and everyone agrees.

At 4am exactly, the computer starts beeping " I've got an energy read on Usagi, near the hospital! Its faint, but definitely her."

"Let's go guys!" Rei exclaims!

They all show up to the hospital, and find the room Usagi is in. She's lying in the bed with blood, bruises, and ghost white skin. Her body looks extremely frail, even malnourished… But that's not entirely surprising due to the emotional torture she has dealt with over the past 2 months.

"Usagi" Makoto breaks the silence "what have you been doing to yourself?"

Mina starts to tear up, and Ami is doing a body scan on her.

"She is going to be fine just extremely exhausted. She will awake in a few hours. No broken bones, only scrapes and bruises." Ami informs the group.

Rei stands with her mouth partly open " no way, that can't be possible, I was sure she would have had at least one broken arm from the way she was being thrown around by that Youma"

"Could the prince have healed her?" Luna suggests," Because every time she comes out of these fights with minor injuries".

The senshi agree that they need to talk about this more after school and the girls go home to get the little rest they could before their alarms went off. Luna waits patiently for her princess to awaken.

"Luna" Usagi croaks…. Tears brimming her eyes….

The black cat is taken aback by this abnormal awakening from her night outings.

"I'm here Usagi"

"I can't do this…I **can't go home alone again**" racking sobs of pent up grief began to escape Usagi

Luna sat there and cried with her owner

" I know, hush-hush, I know"


End file.
